Breastfeeding the Second Time

Did you breastfeed your child(ren)?  What did you learn from round one that impacted or might impact round two?

When Elena was born, I struggled with breastfeeding.  Instead of focusing on her solely, I felt incredible guilt that I was depriving Susanna of much needed Mom time.  I resented Elena for needing to eat.  I hated the act and felt lonely and worried about that because I had loved it with Susanna.

Somehow, though I knew breastfeeding was best for both Elena and me, things in my head, in my emotions, in my hormones, in something else were off.  They didn’t right themselves until very recently.

I looked at Elena.  Four giggling, wiggling months of life old.  It clicked somehow.  An internal switch. I heard a friend’s voice remind me to enjoy every moment, for they are little for only so long.

I allowed that understanding to connect my heart, emotions, hormones, and whatever else was off.  And in that moment, I found my bliss in breastfeeding Elena.

No longer was it a chore.  No longer was it about taking time away from Susanna.  No longer was it about wondering how she could be hungry yet again.

In that moment it was about joy, and love, and the little fingers that grasped my shirt as her sister never had.  It was about nourishing her with food, time, and love.  It was about gratitude for our ability to weather the last four months.  It was about embracing the moment and each other, as Mother and Daughter do when they breastfeed.

What are your experiences with breastfeeding round two?  What wonderings do you have if you are about to embark on breastfeeding round two soon or down the line perhaps?

Mom Musings… On Working From Home

Do you work from home or a non-office spot?  Are you a Mom (of any kind)?

It’s been four months since we welcomed our Shining Light, Elena.  For the last month or so, I’ve been working my way back to fitness, and it’s been slow and steady. Equally as steady, bit by bit, breath by breath, has been a return to work.

I thought about giving it up.  By working from home, it would be very easy to toss away everything and be “just mom.”  Yet, it wasn’t right and I knew it.  So, I set out a plan.  I doodled as I do for work.  I got myself in gear and I worked.  And I am working.  And I thought, as I do.  I thought about working from home as a Mom, and what it’s like.  Or what I’ve learned.

Here you go…

  • I enjoy ME time.  Yep, it’s simple.  It’s sweet.  It’s essential.  It takes being honest though.  I enjoy it.  (I need it, too!)
  • Mommy doesn’t make everything right.  Serious ego check here.  Scott is just fine as a father.  He’s quite fabulous.  Just because Mom is around, doesn’t mean the world and life is going to be more smooth, better, perfect, anything.  It just means I’m around.
  • My working, and taking time for me, adds to the family.  I used to think by taking time for me and working, I was subtracting from Scott’s writing and our girls’ development.  Um, no.
  • I like me better when I work.  Okay, this one brings out the tears as I write. I love our girls, but I don’t like me when I’m around them all of the time.  Even 30 minutes of jam-packed work makes me a me I like more.  That, combined with the point above, really makes a positive impact (aka adds to our family).
  • Mommy brain only exists if you allow it.  The more I use my non-Mom brain, the sharper I am.  Ah, but I still need to get (or find) an electric pencil sharpener.

There’s more, of course, but you know, I like these five.  They are the core of what I learned while reflecting and I can stand by them with my heart and brain fully open.

What have you learned lately?  On what have you been reflecting?  How do you manage you and family?

The Three Letter World

Do you live in a world defined by three letters?  

It seems that this world in which I live is dominated by three letters.

TBI

SBR

IEP

MOM

DAD

PNW

OOH!

And then there are three word phrases that surround me..

I love you!

I missed you!

We need …

It’s beach time!

Clean and dry

Sister is awake!

Mas … por favor?

And so I wonder for you and your life…

What three letters or words define you, surround you, make you smile, laugh, cry, or just flat out sigh… ?